I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm entering into my third real week of classes at Silberman. So far adjusting to grad life has been difficult, because when they tell you it's a lot of reading? They actually aren't lying to you. All throughout high school and college, I'm both ashamed and proud to admit that I rarely had to read thoroughly to do well. I always studied the three days before an exam and came out relatively almost always where I wanted to be. Sure, it was stressful if I didn't plan a bit ahead, but I was always less stressed out than everyone around me. Now it seems I am the opposite, struggling to get readings done, assignments submitted on time, and remember which dates are for which class.

To add to my common struggle, a thirty minute conversation with my field adviser completely derailed me. I learned that (a) I was also grossly misinformed about how many hours of field placement I'm supposed to do each week; (b) I cannot qualify for food stamps in Brooklyn because I haven't lived here long enough; (c) I am one of the only students I know that actually has to work during grad school and field; and (d) my time management would be fully put to the test over the next two years.

My schedule is looking as follows. Keep in mind an hour commute to work and/or to school, a half hour commute in between them, and closer to 30-40 minutes to and from the field placement. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I'll have Field Placement between 10:00am and 6:00pm, as well as studying and working on assignments afterwards. Tuesday I'll have work 8:30am-3:00pm and then scurry my way over to school for class 4:00p-7:50pm. Thursday I'll have class 9:00am-12:00pm and again 2:00pm-4:00pm. The weekends I'll work 10:30am to 6:30pm, providing they put me on for the full time. That reduces my work hours by at least fifteen to twenty hours a week, so my paycheck is looking to die paying $720+ a month for rent, Metros -- not even talking about food or other expenses. I would also like to note that I serve in three non-paid roles: President of APO Alumni Association, Programming Director of Sisters By Grace, and I work on the Dove Love SAO National Newspaper. I'm also trying to help charter other NY chapters for the sorority, while coaching 10-15 women in fitness, trying to stay on top of my own, and get all of my assignments done and done well.

I'm stressed and wondering how I can manage to get my work done, live, and be productive in all of my environments. We'll see. God first.

Why?

http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=28cqd0p%3E&s=8#.VeRfufZViko

Goals?

1. Stay committed to the full 21 Day Fix program by posting every three days to this blog with updates; posting to my online accountability group with prompts and my own responses; having my boyfriend correct my eating or workout with me if I'm losing willpower. I've always had something happen where I didn't complete my final week: this time, I won't let it.

2. Lose 7 lbs. Assuming that I gained two back like I think I did, my goal is to lose 7 lbs and get back to a weight that I was in both of my sophomore years (high school and college). I'm going to weigh in every Sunday to see how I'm progressing and take photos to mark the physical and inch-changes that the scale may not reflect. That way I can alter behavior as I go.

3. Stay away from Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks completely. I've been guilty of grabbing a drink and counting it as a yellow container. Which in theory isn't wrong, because both coffee and chocolate are allowed some times on the fix. But I wasn't counting them as much as I should have, and I really could use to save the money. I'm going to make sure I have a Shakeology every morning (I was having it later in the day some days) so that I don't feel the need for another drink and make sure that I have a snack prepped for my 15, when I would usually run to grab something.

Let's do this :) Day 1. 

It's been a struggle for me lately.

I've had a lot of really great things happening in my life. Don't get me wrong, kids. I'm super grateful for everything that's been going on, the people who are along for the ride, and the abundance of blessings that follow. I'm still elated from the results I've had so far from the 21 Day Fix, and aside from the humidity outside being the equivalent to the amount of water that makes up the Earth, I don't have complaints.

My struggles have been fitness related, mainly: eating well and eating clean.

I tend to participate in a psychological phenomenon called self-handicapping. (Note that the word "handicap" is terrible and it shouldn't be used for a myriad of reasons that I would love to discuss with you some time.) Self-handicapping is in its simplest form participating in behavior that will result in failure to avoid conscious failure. Say what? Basically, being afraid of failing so you set yourself up to fail.

I've been mentally battling with failure. Because of my history with bulimia, my weight has fluctuated rather consistently over the past few years. It's really always been that way. And now that I'm finally seeing real and tangible weight related results, it's almost created a fear in the back of my mind. And with that fear, an onslaught of negative thoughts. 

You can't maintain this weight loss anyway. You're just going to gain it back and be back at square one. You're not dedicated enough to stay on this positive path. You'll always be overweight, why bother? You may as well just eat all the carbs you want, you'll never have the body you want or reach the goals you have. You're not a very good coach anyway.

All of these thoughts totally suck! But I've been letting them get my down. Can I say, I hadn't bought desserts and sugary drinks in weeks until this past week and a half? I have good and back days. Some I'm awesome but then stink at night, and others its reverse. I'm trying to stay on track while motivating everyone else, and although I've stuck with workouts, let's be honest. Working out is maybe 30% of your battle - nutrition is the mountain that matters.

Yesterday, I made a conscious effort to go to the Farmer's Market outside of my work before the rest of my errands. I got fresh fruits, veggies, lettuce, and herbs that were all (insert)-icide free. I got fresh seven-grain whole wheat bread from a local farm to make sure that when I do crave that bread-y taste, I have something good to fill it with. I woke up and decided that enough was enough, and that I was going to take yesterday's purchases to make today and the rest of the week healthier days. I had my vegan blueberry wheat muffin and instead of letting it ride like I have been, I marked it on my app that I was done with my yellow containers (carbs) for the day. I spoke to my upline coach about my progress and about this struggle, and she encouraged me to write this post so I am. I want to be held accountable, and I can't do that if I don't post or if I let this struggle deter me.

I want you all to know that fitness isn't a perfect journey. I'm not just saying this to, ya know, make myself feel better (although it's part of it ;P). It's true. These feelings of negativity, self-blame, guilt... they need to go away. Having one bad week won't ruin the rest of my journey or life. I have the ability to pick myself back up and get moving again, which I am doing. I'm cleaning the rest of my house, waiting for boyfriend to bring me a banana to make my Shakeology, and then we're doing Cardio Fix together. I got this, and even though I'm struggling, I know I'll succeed because I have you all as an awesome community.

You're never defeated unless you give up. Don't forget that :) Feel free to reach out on FB @ Curves For Days: Fitness Blog or email me at curvesfordaysfitness@gmail.com. x

Disclaimer: My photos belong to me and these are my work-in-progress shots. Please do not share without permission :) And keep any negativity where it belongs - on an STI test result paper.

So I'm technically 26 days into the 21 day fix, on and off. But with my most recent challenge group of kickass ladies, I'm on day 6. I weighed in yesterday and checked on my measurements because I hadn't taken them in a long while.

This post is mainly for me. I want to use it to encourage you all to a) not be afraid of your progress photos because at least you are working on it and b) keep it up. I was so excited when I saw my drop in lbs and measurements, but when I took my photos, I wasn't as excited. I think it's just that annoying little voice in the back of my head saying "You have so long to go," which really is just my old demons talking. (For those who don't know, I've been in recovery from bulimia for the last four years.) 

And part of it is perhaps because when I was doing TurboFire, I saw such a dramatic change in my stomach area. That program is heavy cardio and upper body conditioning with the kickboxing which I adore! It will forever be my soulmate workout. But it would make sense why I saw quick results there versus this program.

All that being said, I got a ton of encouragement from one of my challengers this morning about photos. I asked her if I could vent and sent them her way and she was really supportive of me. I tend to be overly supportive of everyone else and super negative towards myself. Don't we all though? Isn't that why we say "I am my own worst enemy?"

So I decided I needed to share these because even if I am not where I want to be right now, I am on my way to getting there. My focus with 21 Day Fix has been lbs and my lat area... and it's definitely helping me accomplish that!

-8.2 lbs, -8.2 inches

(It keeps blurring the photo, my sorries.)

So take it from me. Don't feel negative about your photos. Every body and everyone that you admire or think is fit started somewhere. It takes strength and courage to reach your goals. Remember why you started and what you wanted to get out of the workouts. I still have another 2 weeks for this round and I'm doing one more before starting a new program (details on that later)! I just need to focus on that my overall goal is to improve on my muscle building which is exactly what I am doing. 👍

Shameless plug-in: I have a challenge group coming up for September 7th. It's open program. Feel free to comment, FB, or email me at curvesfordaysfitness@gmail.com for more information :)

Quick disclaimer: I was NOT paid or given a free sample or asked to review this product. I like to pay it forward and hope things come back to me. I'm reviewing this because I bought it on my own and am obsessed. The company has no idea I am writing this.

I present to you the colorfully sharp love of my life. New bae, as the kids say. Move on over Oscar - you have some competition!

This is the 15-piece Farberware Soft Grip Knife set. When Oscar and I were roaming Walmart for the last time in Albany (#RIP; there aren't any in the city), I confessed that I wanted to divorce my current knife set. "It doesn't cut watermelons anymore," I said of the chef's knife. To me, that's a sign that you need to recycle or re sharpen. I couldn't do the latter so I wanted to do the former. 

We talked and agreed that, since I use a lot of frozen fruits in my Shakeology, I should really look into a new set. Mine was a few years old anyhow and Oscar wouldn't mind taking it. I also wanted to experiment more with knives, as I cook a LOT to meal prep for my workouts.

Cue finding these beautiful knives. I loved that a) they were colorful, b) soft grip because I have very sensitive hands, c) had knives my precious set didn't carry, and d) had a sharpening tool! I also loved that the knife base isn't wooden like my old one and that there's a tiny hole at the bottom for any excess water to leak out. I feel like wooden anything is crawling with bacteria. #sorrynotsorry

(Cutting board not included but also courtesy of Walmart.)

There are fifteen knives in all:

     • Chef's knife

     • Slicing knife

     • Boning knife

     • Santoku knife (SO EXCITED)

     • Utility knife 

     • Paring knife

     • (6) Steak knives

     • Universal shears

     • Sharpening steel

I've been using some of the knives on and off the last few days, but today was my first time using the chef's knife. I like to use a chef's knife for frozen fruit like bananas because it slices through the skin with more force and precision. In my opinion, anyway. 

It was beautiful. I cut through that nanner like it was jello! My old knife I had to really work and use my muscles to cut through the peel - this one was so smooth, I was like "OMG I need to write a small review." And then I decided to make a video, which blogger will not let me upload.

The knife set was also incredibly cheap - $39.99 maybe? Not to give the company ideas, but this set is easily worth twice that. I love how clean and smooth the blades are, how quickly food and dirt come off of them when you clean, and also how quickly they dry! I'm incredibly impatient and hate drying dishes (there's a really tragic story involving my first hamster that proves this, actually) so these bad boys do the work for me.

I'm super excited to continue to use them. Not just for shakes but for meal prep as well. They cut through ANYthing with ease - the frozen banana is just what sold me. I highly recommend checking this set out and if not, the company! I've never heard bad things about Farberware but never wanted to invest. Change in the kitchen gives me the willies, man.

BUT! Now I am the proud owner of a new Farberware knife set :) Can't wait to make more recipes with it!

P.S. If a Farberware rep happens to read this... you know... help a girl out ;D?

I've moved around a lot the last four years. My family's moved three times - each requiring me to adjust to a new location of Jersey I had to try to call "back home" - and I've moved five. Living on campus means bouncing around to different areas, and even if you're living in the same place the following year, the room is never the same so you have to move. I have to say it's not as bad as military life, not that I'd know except through vicarious recounts from friends, but it's still pretty sucky. I've had a longer relationship with some of my cardboard boxes than any boyfriend I've dated! Isn't that wild? I bet our wedding would be beautiful. ("I now pronounce you Box and Bride.")

And for round six, I find this move to be a tad drastic, a lot heavier, and slightly more surreal. A year ago today, I was preparing to fly to El Salvador: a new adventure and temporary, lasting two weeks. Today, I also begin a new adventure and possibly temporary as well, lasting four months. But even if this apartment I'm heading to may not be a  permanent fix, it is a monumental moment in my adult life. I'm officially out of the place I've called home for nearly four years and venturing to a new city and moving in with a new set of people, one of which is my boyfriend.

I think at this point it's time to get cliche. Whenever you leave the city you went to college in; the one you began your new journey in, learning that dorm rooms are never as cool as the ones you saw on tour and dining hall food really cannot compare to what you see in the Gilmore Girls; the one you arduously learned the bus routes in, trying desperately not to appear like a freshman; the one you grew and cried and developed and made new friends and lost new friends in; whenever you leave that place, I think it's hard not to feel sappy. 

I can't say that it's really hit me yet that I'm moving to Brooklyn, yet another time of cardboard boxes and moving vans. I can't say that it's really hit me yet that the routes and buses I've memorized will be replaced by new ones that involve underground subway travel and over priced Metros. I can't say that it's really hit me yet that my 3.5 year long distance relationship involving texts, snapchatstory, Skype dates, $40 bus tickets and meticulously planned weekends around class and work schedules, and written letters will come to a halt as I wake up every morning to the most beautiful and loving smile I know. I can't say it's hit me yet that come late August, I'll be starting a new set of classes and walking into a building where I have to flash my ID for entrance every Tuesday and Thursday dressed in business casual, instead of lazily coming into various classrooms with cell-phone-in-sports-bra and hands in oversized sweatpants after maneuvering through the college construction. I can't say it's really hit me yet that everyone who I'm
leaving behind can really say that I've left, that I'll be the one surprising old friends by taking the trip up and scheduling my visit around their busy lives.

Living in Albany has helped me a lot with attachment. I'm the kind of person who loves deeply. The capital brings all kind of people together and meshes us in one place, forcing us to find space of our own while trying to navigate everyone else's. There are people who are good transitions, bringing you high school familiarity or distant best friend fill-ins. These friends rarely last but they're great for the occasional fist bump or Psych class buddy. There are people who are genuinely good at the heart but change as the years go on, consumed by partners and things that you can't get on board with anymore. There are people who you are cool with and social media-it-up with but they stay there, followers and hallway "hello"s. There are people you never expect to befriend because they're nothing like you, but then you discover how you listened to the same bands and had the same terrible haircuts in middle school, and you're solid after that. There are people who stop to say goodbye or drop what they're doing for you when you need them, and want to enjoy your company. They do for you what you do for them, and they love you just as deeply. Luckily and unfortunately, I've found all of these people. I'm grateful. I needed the growth, the transitions, the familiarity and the learning experiences. I've learned how to avoid negativity and to cut my losses, tying my deep love to those who both deserve and reciprocate it. I don't think I could have discovered this so totally anywhere else.

I had amazing experiences academically. I achieved. I made bonds with peers and I developed passions. I found my callings. I learned how to make my own food. I came into being "so Italian" and learned the value of working multiple jobs. I conquered long distance love. I did well in Albany. 

But I'm ready to leave. I'm happy to. Perhaps not happy to leave some of the people, but as you grow older that's what everything revolves around. Leaving something, some one, somewhere at all times and going on to the next chapter. I'm excited for what Brooklyn and grad school hold. I'm excited for learning to love my boyfriend in a new way. I'm excited to reconnect with city friends who, not too long ago, left me in the same way I'm leaving now.

This wasn't the post I had planned to type, but here it is. Thank you Albany. I'm sure I'll be back; in fact, I'm certain that I will be. At least, for some times in the next year. After that I'm not sure. But for now, it's not goodbye. It's "see you later," my friend. Catch you in the "everything is so much more expensive" part of the state. ✌️

Yesterday was super exciting (and arguably super exhausting/frustrating/scary/insert adjective) for a two reasons.

First, I reached a new level in the video game called Pack Elise's Apartment. I'm like, totes a pro at level 97 now. In two days I got about twenty-three boxes, three bags, three crates, and eight bins packed and ready to go. (I swear I don't have that much stuff... blame couponing!) I was rather impressed with my handy skills and ability to haul booty.

(Why you may ask? For those who know me more personally on my Facebook, we found an apartment! My boyfriend was the one who visited and met the roommates - I was skyped in - but we talked and he seemed SO excited that we went with it.)

Second, with the help of some very beautiful people, we got everything packed from Albany and into the apartment in Brooklyn. It took a lot of lifting, panic attacks (oops - you would've too though, this huge desk/hutch was being lifted up this super narrow flight of stairs and all I saw was my dad and boyfriend falling to their deaths... bad bad), maneuvering, shifts, and overwhelming Italian-style ranting (hand gestures and elevated octives and all) but we got it done! Oscar has to finish moving in his stuff, but he's doing that Saturday before coming to pick me up from Port to start our new journey (eeeeeeek ♥️♥️). I wasn't as thrilled in person with the neighborhood or apartment (it's so much smaller than in photos and Skype), but we're going to make it work.

It was a super stressful day but I'm happy it happened, that it's over, and that in T minus three days I'll be closing my chapter at Albany and opening the new one in Brooklyn. I'm so excited!!!

Stay posted for a sappy post on Saturday!